my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
bring money and cleavage
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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