umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
