Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
