I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My dick has a subreddit
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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