its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
