Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
