Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
