don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
