Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
