Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize