Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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