Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
