Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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