Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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