She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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