i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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