wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
