I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
