i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's not a walk of shame if you run
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
