Screwed.edu
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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