Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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