It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
