i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
