omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
