Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
