my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
