I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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