Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize