Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
your like the ambassador to my penis.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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