u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
