There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
