Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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