take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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