Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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