Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
