my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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