I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
