sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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