Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
