Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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