Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
