When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize