Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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