the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize