There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
