i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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