I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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