I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
not ubering you a puppy
my liver is dry heaving
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
