Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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