he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't deserve a penis
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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