if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
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If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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