I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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