I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Congratulations! We have a period
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
