Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
