I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
