people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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