it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Randomize
