This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
