too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
