i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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