omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
