I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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