i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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