If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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