im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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