You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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