Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
