Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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