I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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