It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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