he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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